In the Lift With Dick and Clay
by awabblertoday
Summary: Clay Humphries and Dick Lucas find themselves in a rather compromising situation on Christmas Eve. Day 35/45. Mr. Humphries/Mr. Lucas slash!


A/N: You can see how many of my Author's Notes are/probably will be around the same, and I may start to copy and paste them. Being said, it doesn't allow me to own any characters (unless stated otherwise) any more than normal.

This is set in the mid-70s I don't have any specific season range but it's at least after the first three.

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Fandom: Are You Being Served?  
Pairing(s): Mr. Humphries/Mr. Lucas Words: 2,254 Warning(s): Slash; wild British innuendos

"Are you free, Mr. Humphries?"

Captain Peacock stands firm at his position of floorwalker. He calls out for Mr. Humphries to join him after he's already gathered Mr. Grainger, Mrs. Slocombe and Mr. Grainger to the center floor. Mr. Humphries had been chatting with Mr. Lucas when he had been abruptly interrupted. He gives an apologetic glance to his friend before turning to face his boss.

"I'm free."

Mr. Humphries makes his way to the center, sauntering his hips in an aggravated manner Mr. Lucas can tell. Not like he's been staring. Which he hasn't. Of course. As Mr. Humphries makes it to the center, Captain Peacock casts his sights toward the menswear counter once more. Everything is already put up basically. He sighs.

"Mr. Lucas, are you free?"

"Well, seein' as there ain't nobody in business ." He grumbles mostly to himself. "Yeah, I'm free, Cappa Peacock."

Mr. Lucas joins the crowd, anticipating another wild idea either brought forth by Mr. Rumbold or Young Mr. Grace. In either case, he will need to suck it up and go on with the charade. He is a junior in the department, under Mr. Humphries, who is under mr. Grainger, who is under Captain Peacock, who is under Mr. Rumbold, who is under Young Mr. Grace, who owns the department store. So, he is ready to taste the bitter tea.

"Ah, now that we're all here. Young Mr. Grace has come up with a bright new plan for the Christmas rush."

"I'm not going to have to come in early, am I?" Mrs. Slocombe questions at once. "My pussy doesn't do well when my routine is knocked about."

"I'm sure she'll be fine, Mrs. Slocombe." Captain Peacock clears his throat. "We will be dressing up, and hosting a clearance bash."

"Have al'dy got the costumes or d'we get te pick?" Miss Brahams inquisitive nature cuts through.

"Ah, Miss Brahams. Young Mister Grace and Mr. Rumbold have already agreed on our costumes. You will find them at your work station tomorrow morning."

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-AYBS-AYBS-AYBS-AYBS-

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The next morning, Captain Peacock is surprised on his way in. Mr. Rumbold is already in costume, standing just inside the first set of double doors. He is dressed like a snowman and the captain chuckles to himself, grateful he doesn't have to wear such a ridiculous costume. He passes by many cleaning ladies dressed like either reindeer or elves. As he rides the lift to his floor, he notices a sleeping snowman at its post just off the lift. Upon further examination, Captain Peacock can see it is Mr. Grainger. A worrisome Captain Peacock then briskly walks to his cloakroom area to find his own costume.

Mrs. Slocombe arrives while he is in there, running into a twinkling Christmas tree. Beneath all the ornaments and bristles is Mr. Mash. He is dressed in costume as well. Mrs. Slocombe is in the same rush as Captain Peacock had been. Minutes later, Captain Peacock returns, no longer a captain. Instead, with a false tummy, he is now Stephen Claus Santa's younger brother. He takes his stand at the front, since he apparently still has the same position during the rush.

Miss Brahams and Mr. Humphries are next to arrive. They arrive at the same time, albeit in separate lifts. They bid their greetings and leave for their cloakrooms, unaware of their boss in the main area mistaking him for a class dummy. Miss Brahams runs into Mrs. Betty Claus as she runs in to locate her own costume. The two share an uncharacteristic giggle and Betty disregards her position at the counter, to playing the role of Mrs. Claus for the upcoming customers.

Stephen is shocked and betty smiles flirtatiously. This does not go unaware to Mr. Mash, who is currently assisting the ladies in dusting off the other models. Miss Brahams soon returns to the counter, dressed like an elf. Just before the bell rings to start work, Mr. Lucas shuffles in. He lets out a long string of profanities about Christmas under his breath as he signs in and rushes to the back.

"I had no idea of Mr. Lucas's strong disbeliefs on such a lovely holiday." Betty shakes her head. "And it's only seven am Christmas Eve."

"This is going to be a long day." Stephen agrees.

Mr. Lucas runs into Mr. Humphries in the changing room. The older man is barely fitting in a body-hugging elf costume. There is a strong pink tint in his face, claiming either embarrassment or uncomfortably. The tiniest of sarcastic grins appears on Mr. Lucas's face as he walks over.

"Too tight for you, Mr. Humphries?"

"I can hold it, Mr. Lucas." Mr. Humphries retorts, blushing slightly at the possible innuendo. He hopes desperately Mr. Lucas hadn't heard that.

He did. With his grin turning a bit sly, he raises an innocent eyebrow. "I bet you can."

Mr. Humphries becomes flustered and he freezes on the spot as Mr. Lucas runs inside to change. Mr. Humphries waddles to the main counter to tend to the upcoming customers as the bell rings. Mr. Lucas stands in the cloakroom wearing an equally constricted costume only he is a reindeer and is forced to wear antlers rather than a cap with a bell at the end. Checking that no one is around, he discreetly tugs on the seams of his crotch. He manages to loosen quite a few, so when he removes them, they will come completely off. Relaxing in his costume now, he clips off the evidence of tampering and joins Mr. Humphries in the main room.

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-AYBS-AYBS-AYBS-AYBS-

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The clearance bash is a smashing hit. Betty and Stephen enjoy spending their time greeting customers as Mr and Mrs Claus, offering snacks to be found in the canteen after purchases. Shirley the Elf has had a grand time showing off the clearance items. In the menswear, Mr. Lucas had stepped in for Mr. Humphries. Reindeer Dick had proven himself to be a very competent salesman, while Claiborne the Elf had gotten a recrimination from the dozing snowman.

At the end of the day, the workers had been displeased to learn that the outfits they had come in will be returned to them after the holidays. As a thank you for a job well done, Young Mr. Grace had thought it kind for Grace Brothers to wash their employees belongings and they can keep their costumes. The Claus couple had left giddily together, and the snowmen had been long gone. Shirley had gotten finished with her set area and skipped off to the lift, leaving behind a smirking Reindeer Dick and a pained Claiborne the Elf.

"Mr. Lucas, how did you stand that costume all day?"

"Care to learn of my secret, Mr. Humphries?"

"Yesss."

Dick suddenly advances into Claiborne's personal space. There is no one on the floor and hardly anyone left in the building. Still, Mr. Humphries panics as Mr. Lucas corners him into the edge of the counter and places his hand along the older man's crotch.

"Mr. Lucas!" He shrieks quietly. "What are you doing?"

"Taking your inside leg?" Mr. Lucas chuckles lightly, tugging on the seams he had collected.

Mr. Humphries gasps at the sudden motion, squeaking about his friend's motives. "What! Are you, really! Doing?"

"Letting you in on my little secret."

Mr. Lucas steps to the side, clipping off the evidence before standing full well away and admiring the difference.

"Go on. Saunter."

"Saunter?" Mr. Humphries raises an eyebrow.

He is very confused but instantly feels so much better. He wishes he would've asked Mr. Lucas earlier in the day. The man in question is talking but Mr. Humphries isn't paying attention. When he finally turns around to face him and tune in, he is shocked by what he hears come out of the younger man's mouth.

"But I usually do it on the floor. Because it gets so stiff."

"Stiff?" Mr. Humphries's voice breaks a little.

Mr. Lucas doesn't notice, instead continuing. "Yes, well, they've got to have a chance at a good forking of course."

"A good . Forking?"

Mr. Lucas nods as if it were obvious. "Of course, Clay! You will want something reasonably rigid, but that something should taste superior too."

"Yes .." Mr. Humphries can feel is face getting heated, becoming mesmerized in Mr. Lucas's voice and active hand movements.

"One thing to be wary of though, is a soggy bottom. Though they can be salvaged."

"They, can?"

"Of course. It's all in the wrist action." Mr. Lucas beams. "Would you like to come over and see?"

Mr. Humphries blanches and, for a moment, he is positive he is going to pass out. Mr. Lucas's face instantly becomes downtrodden. He teeters on the balls of his feet and sighs. The younger man passes by, heading to the lift.

"Never mind. Forget I said anything. I just thought about actually celebrating Christmas this year, you know? It's fine, Mr. Humphries. Don't worry about it."

Mr. Humphries regains access of his legs and words at the point of Mr. Lucas calling him 'Mr. Humphries.' Usually outside of work hours, it is just 'Clay' or 'Claiborne'. Just like Mr. Lucas is usually 'Dick' or 'Richard'. The doors open and Mr. Humphries rushes in beside Mr. Lucas.

"I'm sorry." Clay immediately apologizes. "I'd like to come over. To watch?"

"What?" Mr. Lucas frowns at him. "Is that supposed to be an agreement or a question?"

"No, I'd like to come over. I'm sorry, I zoned out while you were talking. I just didn't catch everything. I'm sorry, Dick."

Mr. Lucas nods knowingly. "That's fine, Clay. But you can watch me bake some other time. It doesn't have to be Christmas."

"But I'd like to," He pauses, registering something his friend had just said. "Bake?"

The lights go out and the lift shuts down. Mr. Lucas rummages through his bag, pulling out his torch. He clicks it on and shines around the small cabin. The dial claims they are stuck between floors and the power has gone out. However, the power can return at any given time, so their best bet is to sit in there. And wait. Mr. Lucas slides down the wall, beckoning Mr. Humphries to slide down beside him.

"So much for Christmas plans." Mr. Lucas scoffs.

"Yes, well, Mother is away this year. She's traveled and I've hardly been in contact with her the past week and a half." Clay responds. "I'm not entirely sure what I was going to do this Christmas."

"I would've suspected you have a firm grip." Dick comments.

Suddenly, red fills Clay's face again as he jerks away slightly. Dick looks over, concerned for his friend.

"Are you okay?"

"Didn't realize I was touching you is all."

"Touching me?"

"You, said." Clay pauses. "You suspected? Firm grip?"

Dick laughs lightly. "I meant a firm grip on the situation with your mother, Clay. You're taking everything too hard to swallow."

Clay tries to laugh but te last comment causes more red in his face. Again, Dick is off, rambling about something else. Clay isn't really responding other than a slight nod for his friend to continue talking. Again, when he sighs and rejoins the conversation, he has no idea what to make of the last comment.

"And you don't know what the other hand is doing when he shakes your hand. It's a game of inches. Do you get what I'm saying?"

Clay nods, a little unsure once more of Dick's intentions. The younger man stands up at the nod, holding his hand out for Clay to take.

"Well, should we assume the position?"

Clay immediately withdraws. "What are you talking about?"

"Uh, calling for help. Did I do something? Did I say anything that offends you, Clay? Mr. Humphries?" Mr. Lucas backs away from his older friend.

Clay looks taken aback. He nervously runs his fingers through his hair and gingerly looks over to his best friend. Normally one to make jokes, Mr. Lucas is currently teetering on his feet in the farthest corner of the lift, staring at his feet and twiddling his thumbs. Mr. Humphries feels horrible that he is the cause..

"Dick, this is my fault. Not yours. I'm missing things that you're saying, and I'm just confused. Ever since you fixed my little costume problem."

He nods shyly. Without looking up, he questions. "What exactly did I say wrong, Mr. Humphries?"

"Nothing at all. I was just confused when you were talking about hands and a game of inches."

He still doesn't look up. "I was saying that life is like a businessman shaking your hand. You don't know what he's got planned or what he's doing while he's with you."

A flush of realization comes over Clay's face. "Okay, now, what were you talking about earlier? When you asked me to come over and watch your wrist action?"

"Back on our floor?" Mr. Lucas questions, not taking his eyes off his suddenly interesting scuff marks.

"Yes?"

"I was talking about how me biscuits won the last cook-off, and I was telling you about how I made them. It was an 'orrible attempt to have some company this Christmas." He lets out a low, self-depreciating chuckle. "Looks like I get company anyhow, Mr. Humphries."

"Clay, Dick. It's after hours and we're friends. My name is Clay."

A rushed wave of relief yet disappointment rains over Clay Humphries. He is glad for having the misunderstandings cleared up, yet he can't help but feel disappointed. It's not like he has feelings for his junior. At all. Because he doesn't. Suddenly, his feeling grows. Mr. Claiborne Humphries is showing and for now, he is thankful Dick isn't looking up. Clay removes his hat and places it over his sensation. At the jingling though, Dick glances up.

"I'm glad, Clay. That we're friends. Um, as friends, I need to ask."

"Hmm?"

"Are you wearing any knickers?"

"Richard!" Clay exclaims. "I am a gentleman! Of course I am wearing knickers!"

"Y-Fronts?" He guesses, smiling slightly.

"Yes? Why does that matter?" He asks, growing flustered.

"Can I borrow your hat?"

"I'm afraid I need it, Richard."

"I'm afraid I need it more, Claiborne."

"What makes you so sure of that accusation?" He demands to know, unable to will his growth under control.

"You're a gentleman and I am not."

"A gentle" Clay cuts off his own thoughts, regaling what he had just admitted. "Why aren't you wearing knickers?"

"I never wear knickers when I am going into costume. Have you never seen me at a fancy dress?"

Clay bites his bottom lip. "I'm not asking you to dress down. Though it is getting hot in here. You keep your costume on."

"My seams are loose, Claiborne!" Richard almost hisses. "My costume will soon fall apart and I will be standing here in the nude. Now hand over that hat or"

He doesn't finish his statement. The seams unravel, creating a sum lump at the bottom of the lift. Clay represses his desires and looks away, still clutching to the hat. Dick feels vulnerable and suddenly tackles his best friend for possession of the hat. Clay gasps loudly at the naked body pressing against his own. He looks to his best friend in the eyes and swiftly Dick reciprocates the silent thought. He lowers his lips to Clay's and they kiss. The passionate embrace turns very heated and hungry very quickly. When they stop for a breather, Clay looks up to Richard.

"What's happening here?"

"I think we both know what's happening here, Clay." Richard chuckles lightly, glancing downwards.

"Richard, we're going to be in here all night together."

"And all of Christmas Day and night too. The department isn't open tomorrow."

"What will we eat?"

"I have some ideas." Dick winks seductively.

Clay can feel his insides turning to pudding. "I mean it, Richard. What are we doing?"

"I'd like to think we're taking a new step in our relationship."

"We, have, a, relation, ship?" He manages between kisses.

"Always, Clay. Seriously, I would be nowhere without you. I love you."

He smiles back. "I love you too, Dick. I love you too."

[][][][] This fandom, and more importantly, this PAIRING, needs some SERIOUS love! Watch the episodes and tell me you don't see the connection these two have! THEY NEED THE LOVE! [][][][] 


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